The song "Set Down Your Glass"(Snow Patrol) says it: "I'm just not the same, as I was a year ago and each minute since then." So true. Though maybe not in the same way the song portrays it, but it has meaning for me, I guess.
I don't like being too social around the people I'm close to because they all have become annoyances. Cept one person. But let's not go there.
I want to leave this town because it has nothing here for me. Now, don't get me wrong. I love the town itself. But the people I knew and know just... don't make it for me. Not the kind of people I want. I feel quite alone you know?
What have I gotten myself into? Dating. It's not really something that goes well with me. In fact, I'm quite bad at it. I don't have that personality that goes "DATE MEE" I mean I have the personality that makes you WISH you could but I don't express the same emotions when you know me. I'm different than what my cover appears. Aren't we all? But I just am NOT social. I want to live alone.
Sure I'm a lesbian, and I think women are attractive physically and emotionally and all that jazz, but when I get into a relationship, I feel trapped.
Do you?
Caged.
In a tight little box with no air holes to breathe.
I hate it.
I can never get what I want to say out.
I don't tell anyone what I'm all about because I'm scared they'll think what I do and what I believe is justa fad like every stupid goth and emo out there.
Well I'm not goth or emo.
They annoy me when they are fake.
I'm a musician and artist.
I dress creatively.
I finally understood yesterday that I am Wiccan. Nature loving and all that stuff. But when it comes to telling people that, they will probably tell me I'm not and it's just cos everyone else is.
I'm not like that.
When I say something, I mean it.
Just like how I will live in Japan one day.
Just like I will always be me, a girl, lesbian, silent, dark musician, and that stuff.
I'm going to go now. Done venting for now.
I will talk later.
Monday, July 5, 2010
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